Tuesday, April 28, 2009


more or less a tourist trap, it is still really hard not to have a good time at waikiki. although the conference bullshit took up most of the week, and I wasn't really able to sleep more than 3 hours each night because of the jet lag, it was a good trip.

this conference always gives me a weird feeling, maybe the language I am using here is a little strong, but I think it stirs up contempt in me (like that is hard). It is a conflicting emotion, a mixture of I am not getting enough credit for the work I have done, and I am so dumb that I shouldn't be doing this anymore.

after quite a few beers, I was telling janine that I don't think it is cool that people spend so much research grant money and the prime of young people's lives working on research that are so insubstantial, so insignificant, that we will all forget in a year or two. but on the flight home, I realized how foolish that statement was. one, I have not and will probably never produce anything substantial or significant, so who am I to judge. two, these seemingly bogus research projects do serve educational purposes sometimes.

so the assessment was fairly grim for me: I work hard, but no one cares; my work will probably never be any good, because I am not that smart; and I didn't learn that much from the bullshit I have done. the only upside, I did get a little bit of color on my skin from the sun.

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