Thursday, September 07, 2006


On August 25th, I saw the light. I think it was probably because there was a crack in my blinds at my desk. But then I had a vision. I am starting a religion. The religion will be called nowarmsoda, but with a different pronunciation (you will have to hear me say it). Of course you will ask, what does it actually mean, or what is this bullshit religion all about? Will, the essence of nowarmsoda is not being a jackass, douche-bag, dip-shit, or someone like that. It sounds simple, because it is. The reward for not being a jackass is that you are not a jackass. By not being a jackass, you are a step closer to actually being cool. I can go on and on (I will, at our gatherings) about the unbounded benefit of practicing nowarmsoda.

out of thin air, I got the following seven virtues that all worshipers of nowarmsoda must adhere to

in no particular order:

1. act on you instinct

2. when you got something to say, don't hold back

2b. but.....before you talk shit about or to someone, think, if what you are about to say apply to yourself, shut the fuck up.

3. evolution gave us two legs and two arms, used them to go see something cool, do something good

4. when you really think about it, there is just no reason to do something to make someone feel bad

5. everyone is indecisive sometimes, be indecisive on your own time

6. exercise patience and restrain in the face of those who are not allow to be part of nowarmsoda (i.e. jackass, dip-shit, douche-bag and such)

7. when someone does something nice or good for you, be appreciative (don't be stingy when cash tip is involved)

we will have regular meetings whenever I feel like it. all are welcome to participate, call for time and place, it usually involves some kind of alcoholic beverages and or some sort of mind altering substances. I am just waiting for some non douche-bag celebrity (is that possible) to donate a shit ton of money so I can build our first gathering place. And I am taking suggestion on a symbol or a logo of some sort.


Anonymous said...

i love it! You have a follower!

P. P. said...

This sounds a lot like buddhism with a splash of alcohol (and meat of course).
When is the first Mass?